The Traveller

It's all about resting
and waiting
and feeling safe
Tucked up against the cold
Sheltered from the sun
Shielded from the storm
Cocooned against the raging winds
on the desolate moor

The weary traveller
urged to pause
Nothing to be gained
No victory to be won
from battling on
Whilst a refuge lies ahead
Inviting; warm
A quiet place to rest awhile

Take some food; drink
Here: sit beside the fire
Sleep
Be refreshed
Restored
Before you take up
your journey once again

Autumn Sun

Oh to be bathed in the warmth
In the light
Your son in the sun
Radiance spilled down
to touch my uplifted soul
It restores
You restore
bring hope.

Hands

Shoulders taut
Arms tensed
Fists balled
Jaw clenched
Holding the pain
the sadness
loss
yearning
anger
resentment
guilt and shame
All clutched tight
But you ask me to let go
Offer to pour water
to soothe
a healing balm
to ease
But it's been so long
that the joints are locked

I feel your warmth
relaxing my muscles
telling me you're here
That it'll be alright
And slowly I start to unfurl
Imperceptibly at first
But I acknowledge your work
And let you go further
A little more each day
As you gently take
my deformed and knotted hands in your own
I feel a physical ache
from keeping them this way
And as you gently prise
each finger open
it hurts
stiff; unused
unused to being used this way
But I can see your desire
To free me
relieve me
And I let you slip your hand
into my open palm
And be with me
Not moving; not going
Just being.

Healing

Dare I ask for it?
Dare I pray for it?
Dare I even dream of it?
For I know that you can
But what if you don't?
What if you won't?
Is my faith too small?

Stillness and Silence

Stillness is an art
which I have not yet mastered
Even in the world of sleep
I toss and turn
fidget and fret
But I yearn for it;
that ability to sit unmoving
Inert for a time
To welcome rest;
rest from movement
rest from my mind
Content to pause
and not to plan the moment
at which I can throw the pebble
into the calm water
and rush off again

Silence is a gift
which I have yet to unwrap
Now and then
I tentatively pull
at the coloured ribbons
Tantalised
Mesmerised by the possibilities inside
But reluctant to open it
in case reality cannot live up
to expectation
Or maybe I am afraid
of what I might hear in the nothingness
Or worse
that I hear nothing
So I sit awhile
admiring my present

Waves

I am overwhelmed
by the sense that
I'm falling apart
Gradually disintegrating
Eroding away
Piece by piece
Dissolving into nothingness

Daily I must remind myself
that this is a lie
I am chosen
by the one on high
And He will not let me fall
However low I seem to go

So I cling to this truth
like a drowing man
Unwilling to concede
to the raging waves
Choking; coughing
But intent on survival
Hungry for life

My only fear
that one day I will discover
that I have been flailing
in a shallow puddle

The Trap

Am I failing?
Could do better: C minus
Not faithful enough
Not strong enough
Not enough
Weak
And I am tempted to end
my poem right here
because sometimes
that is all I feel
But...
There it is again: but
I cannot leave it there
For however faint it seems
There is hope
I have a hope
You are faithful
You are strong
You are enough
But I am still learning
how to let go
and let you.
So that your truth
your promises
might be realised
Experienced
Touched and enjoyed
And I often don't get it
And so I start again
Am I failing?
Could do better: C minus

Lost

Who am I?
Where am I?
And how do I find me?
Fumbling
Searching
Subsumed
Absorbed

And I think I've forgotten
even how to look
or where to go
I'm not even sure
I don't even know
If I'd recognise me
in that glass on the wall
And is it terrible to admit
that I have only just
discovered this?
And that there is part of me
that just shrugs
Are you really so important?
You can't have been that special.
And yet
And yet...
In my deepest part
I know beyond doubt
that it matters
That I matter
That I am special
And so I will seek
and search
for me
And I will not give up
And I will not let go

Keep Smiling

How amazing I can say
That you bless me every day
In the sun and in the joys
In the smiles of my boys
In the rain and in the tears
In the darkness of my fears

You have wrapped me in your love
Been to me more than enough
When I couldn't face the day
Lost in the pit of miry clay
You so gently took my hand
Placed my feet on solid ground

And I want my friends to know
That each time you bid them go
Be my hands, my heart, my feet
For I have a soul in need
That they listened to your call
Helped to catch me when I fall

Please bless them for their service
As you work out your purpose
In my own life and in theirs
Good friends sharing others cares
Place a jewel in their crown
Give them heaven's high renown

World's beginning and its end
Yet you want to be our friend
Share in our daily struggles
You quietly tend and lead us
Your truth will never fail
Over all the earth prevail

And I thank you from my heart
That you loved me from the start
As creation sings your praise
My voice and arms I'll raise
I will glorify your name
And declare you never change

Chuckles

My boys run around and play
Then come to me and say:
"What can I eat and drink?"
and my heart begins to sink.

So Ben gives me a big grin.
Says, "But look I am so thin!".
"Go away and have some fun
before our time is done".

Ben giggles as he races
to all different kinds of places
and his smile melts my heart,
as it has done from the start.

I know Thomas needs a wee.
It is plain for all to see!
I say, "Don't have an accident.
"It is surely time you went".

But he really is so cute
and he is having such a hoot.
I gaze on him in wonder
that I got to be his mother.

Sam winds up his brothers.
I am glad there are no others!
"Please do be kind and helpful.
Be good and behave well".

I look at my big boy now
and start to marvel how
he got to be so lovely.
A blessing and a joy to me.

I am really truly blessed
and I know I have the best
boys in all the world
and I want it to be heard

That I am thanking God today
and I shout it out and say:
"I love you boys so much
and you really bring such
HAPPINESS to me
and I am blessed to be me".

The Well

You are the source
The well, at which I drink
Not often enough
Often thirsty
Sometimes parched
Until my head throbs
and my throat burns
Then I remember
Your water
Your cool, pure
life-giving water
Freely given
No catch; no trick
With a smile
and a welcome
No grudge
at my absence
Just bemusement
that knowing its existence
its purpose; its reason
I have forgotten
to remain
or looked the other way
But now I drink
long, urgent gulps
Feel the healing
Relief; release
Then slow, lingering sips
Savouring and revelling
Filled to the brim
and overflowing
So now I stay
beside that pool
Never moving away
So I can drink every day

Inhabitation

The Living God
living in me?
How so? It can't be
Oh, what can He see?
My sin, my shame
My guilt, my pride
Each one locked up inside
But in You come
Throw the curtains wide
You gently sweep
and polish and dust
You do not stand
and mock or sneer
Turn your face away
or refuse to come near
No, the Living God
Creator of All
says 'I'm coming on in'
I'm happy to be here
Don't be ashamed
I know all your faults
But still I am here
and forever will stay
Now I don't love the dirt
and I want you at your best
You won't do this on your own
Because I'm here at every step
'It's not easy', I say
I'm not sure I want you every day
Well, not in this room
And definitely not there
It might hurt when you're cleaning
and I like it just this way
Then I hear my own excuses
and realise how silly I have been

You are the Living God
You have chosen to live in me
And I don't want to be small
or sad or insecure
I want you to shape me
to mould me and to build me
From the inside out
Into a magnificant palace
fit for my King
Each window flung open
revealing your light

Abide with me

Oh why can't I sit still?
I keep fidgeting and fighting it
Though I hear you call my name
To meet you; enjoy your sanctuary
Yet the busyness surrounds me
Confounds me; consumes me

Do I really resist your peace?
So self-absorbed; internalised
You bid me come and rest
I say 'yes, in a minute'
'when I've finished; after this...'
I'm exhausted. Nothing left

And why am I surprised?
That I'm broken, stressed, worn out
I know it shouldn't be this way
I know this isn't in your way
So you turn and gently lead me
In the path that you have laid

I hope I'm getting better?
Try to listen to your voice
Read your Word; seek your face
At each tiny sacrifice I make
You show me bounty
And so much grace

Rollercoaster

Head slumps

Breathing slows

Eyes flicker

Slowly close

In the half-state

Awareness

Inexorable weight

Pressing; oppressing

Thoughts tumbling

Words jumbled

Heart pumping

Panic rising

Water swirling
Closing in
Screaming; drowning 

Fighting for breath

Freefalling

Down and down

Wind rushing

Tearing; scaring

Stop, please stop

Hurtling round

Accelerating descent

Into the darkness

Out of control

Too fast; Too much

Be still

And know

That I am God

And you are my child

I love you

I hold you

I know you

I hear you

Turn to me

Call my name

I AM

Enough

Identity

Standing on the Edge

Wind blowing through my hair

Alive

So alive

I see you

I feel you

I sense you

I breathe you

Arrested by your beauty

Confounded by your majesty

Awestruck in wonder

I sing

From the depths of my being 

I sing

Arms flung wide

I sing

Tears of joy

I sing

My soul poured out to you

My heart aching for you

And in this moment I know

In this moment I understand

How surrender

Brings freedom

I am yours

And you are mine

Embraced

Intertwined

And at last I recognise

Who I am

If only for this moment

Peace released

I'm up and I'm down
And I'm spinning round and round
I stop and I start
Feel the pounding of my heart
Uncertainty
Overwhelming me

I weep and I sigh
I begin to wonder why
I'm alone and afraid
And it shouldn't be this way
Negativity
Bearing down on me

I wrestle and I rail
But its all to no avail
I drown and I shout
Please will someone let me out
Darkest misery
Now consuming me

I stop; call your name

Come and meet me in my pain
I am empty, incomplete
Until I kneel at your feet
Abundant mercy
Offered for me

I tremble and I cry
That for me you chose to die
Lift my face to your face
And enfold me in your grace
Feel you hold me
Watching over me

I'm here and I'm now
As your spirit shows me how
I'm still and I'm calm
No more trouble no more harm
Deep serenity
Unexpectedly

Healing

Orange
has been released from bondage
Liberated, reclaimed
And finally I confess
To the bully in the dress
"This colour is mine
Through which I shine"

Each vibrant hue
I experience anew
Copper, amber, flame
Each a beautiful name
Though I once turned away
and considered them grey

Burnished and bright
Iridescent, alight
It has always been so
Just that I didn't know
How His beauty could be
In all that I see

On my knees I bow
As I realise now
How gracious God is
To gently do this
A small act of love
A gift from above

He owes me nothing
For my meagre loving
Yet His bounteous grace
And that smile on His face
"It's orange: I made it
Enjoy it...I made it"

Precious

What is it that you see in me?
How can it be that I am lovely?
And how can it be that you love me?

I gaze at my child in wonder
And touch his face as we embrace
Brought low with tenderness
Awed and overwhelmed with all he is.

So I'm starting to see how you see me
And I am starting to see that I am lovely
And I'm starting to see why you love me.

The Dancer

I am Fire

Burning bright

With colour alight

Alive with joy

For you to enjoy

I am Flame

Amber glowing

My true self showing

Twirling, dancing

Our spirits romancing

I am Dancer

With passion praising

Arms raising

Moving faster

In awe of you My Master

I am in You and You are in me

My all surrendered

Touched that I may touch

Light that I may illuminate

Created that I may create

Draw me closer

Draw me ever closer to you
That I might hear your heartbeat
Feel your breath on my skin
To know you
To love you
To be known
And to be loved
That my harmonies might join the angels
A backdrop to your glorious melody
Each note clear, loud
Soaring and lifting
Until I am consumed
With breathtaking joy
And in the tumult and the calm that follows
As I see a little bit of you in those I meet
Shine through me
That I might reflect you

Face tilted towards the sunlight

Face tilted towards the sunlight

Like a flower lifting its head

To the warmth and the light

Bathed, clothed

Reflecting the source

Simple yet certain

All else melted away

Face tilted towards the sunlight

Like a flower lifting its head

To the warmth and the light

Bathed, clothed

Reflecting the source

Simple yet certain

All else melted away